Not What I Planned - But Better for It
A post for anyone who’s ever felt guilty for not being “consistent.” What if your inconsistency isn’t failure? Here's what I learned about working with my creative rhythm, not against it.
So… where did I go? (lol, fair question.)
I’ve been asked, “Rae, are you still podcasting?” more times than I’d like to admit - usually with curiosity, sometimes with confusion. Truth is, I’ve asked myself the same thing.
There are a few reasons I paused, and this post dives into the deeper ones. But if I had to name one of the smaller, more surface level reasons - it’s what you’d call channel market fit. A business term, sure, but it works here. Basically: the format didn’t land the way I thought it would.
I asked my husband, my best friend, my sisters, and a few close friends if they’d listened. Most got to maybe episode 2. Maybe. They all assured me it wasn’t me - it was them. And honestly, I believe them. They’re already subscribed to 40 other podcasts, juggling life, work, and a million notifications - and needed ten reminders just to check mine out.
It’s not that they didn’t care. It’s just… they were full. Already swimming in content. And let’s be real - they didn’t always have the time or attention to sit still and listen to someone they already know. Especially not if I wasn’t showing up as “a podcaster” with all the branding, a polished feed, and ten posts a day.
And that’s the thing - I wasn’t trying to become a podcaster. I was just trying to share my journey in a way that felt doable. But it became clear the format needed to shift.
So here I am, trying something that fits differently. Hence: this Substack. (Maybe it’ll be a hybrid down the road. We’ll see.)
But the real reason I paused? It wasn’t about audience or analytics.
It was personal. Internal. Rhythmic.
Turns out, I wasn’t built for the grind of content.
I was built for rhythm, not routines.
And that’s what I want to talk about.
Before You Press Record
Podcasting is fun and all, but it didn’t honor a lot in my life.
I started to “podcast” because I wanted to slowly narrate the story of being En Route - my personal journey of pursuing all that I feel called to pursue. I put it in quotes because it could’ve been any medium, really. I just chose what I thought came easy: record the rant, save it, click publish, rinse and repeat.
Obviously… jokes on me. It’s way more difficult than that (probably more obvious to you than it was to me). There’s a reason people have full on productions for these things.
It wasn’t just the tech or editing or remembering to charge your phone before clicking record… What surprised me most was everything else I hadn’t considered.
It didn’t honor the parts of me that may be flawed, yes - but still real. The parts that move in waves. The part of me that comes alive when something hits, not when the calendar says “due.”
I tried to squeeze myself into a rhythm that never really fit my design. “Biweekly episodes” sounded good in theory, but in practice it became this quiet pressure humming in the background. It started to drain every “ready to post” episode I recorded. Somewhere along the way, I stopped sounding like myself.
First Lesson Learned: Honor Your Design
I’m not built for robotic consistency when it comes to sharing the deeper things in life. I create when something clicks - when something bubbles up and needs to come out.
I’m a passion project girl. The kind who gets a full download at 11:42 p.m. while in the shower and has to grab her Notes app.
When I try to force it, the whole thing flattens. The worst part is that it starts to feel like everything else out there.
There’s more than enough noise out there. I want to honor the way I’m wired when it comes to creating - and choose creativity that feels true over trends that drain.
I’m not anti consistency - I’m pro alignment. Consistency is powerful… when it’s built on a rhythm that actually works for you.
So I’m choosing to work with my rhythm this time.
To create from honesty, not obligation.
Even if it’s slower. Even if it’s inconsistent.
Because if it’s real - I can stand behind it.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I Started Sharing Publicly
Your method should match your makeup.
The way you create should line up with how you're wired.
Your rhythm should respect your design.
But most people don’t pause long enough to ask:
→ Does this method of sharing actually work for how I think?
→ How I process?
→ How I best express myself?
→ How I follow through?
We’re told consistency is king.
But what if you’re not wired for “weekly”?
What if your best work happens in seasons? In sprints? In silence before sound?
What if your best work blooms in the quiet - after months of mundane days and even hard days - before the puzzle pieces finally come together into something that feels worth saying?
What if your most creative ideas show up while folding laundry - not because your posting calendar said, “Episode 7: Neuroplasticity,” but because your mind had space to wander without pressure?
I used to beat myself up for not being “disciplined” enough.
Why can’t I just post consistently like everyone else?
Why do I disappear after a few episodes?
Why do I lose momentum after the spark?
For a long time, I called it flakiness.
But here’s what I’ve come to realize:
I’m not flaky - I’m full.
Not “busy” in the surface level way.
But full in the sense that I’m carrying a lot - mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Ideas I’m still processing. Feelings I haven’t fully named.
Wrestlings I haven’t shared out loud yet.
Sometimes I’m not absent - I’m absorbing.
Not ghosting - just gathering.
Not inconsistent - just intermittent.
Like a river that doesn’t move the same way every day - but when it flows, it really flows.
What might look like inconsistency on the outside is often capacity overload on the inside.
And I think a lot of us - especially creatives - are way too hard on ourselves for it.
Some of us are wired to feel things deeply, think in layers, process more slowly - or all at once. That’s not dysfunction. That’s design.
Studies even show that highly creative and neurodivergent minds often operate with higher emotional sensitivity, nonlinear thinking, and lower tolerance for overstimulation - which makes the pressure to constantly “show up” feel heavier than it looks.
It’s not that we’re inconsistent. It’s that we’re absorbing, sensing, sorting, holding a lot - often invisibly.
That doesn’t mean we’re undisciplined.
It means we need rhythm more than routine.
Your Rhythm Is Valid
My creativity comes in pulses.
Sometimes I’m overflowing.
Other times I’m relearning and rebuilding.
I used to think that was a flaw - now I see it as rhythm I must honor.
It may not be neat, but it’s sacred. Whether I’m meal prepping or processing grief, sharing an idea or sitting in silence - this rhythm matters. It’s mine. And it works when I honor it.
If you’re like me - someone who needs time to feel before you speak, who can’t “go live” when something still feels unfinished inside, who tends to sit with things then sprint when the fire hits - I want you to know:
That way is not wrong.
That way is valid.
That way produces real fruit.
It’s not procrastination. It’s not a flaw.
It’s the design of the Creator who made you on purpose.
(And listen - if you are procrastinating, you probably know that already. That’s not what I’m talking about here.)
Turns out the real prep wasn’t the gear.
It was me.
My rhythm. My capacity. My clarity.
I made a Self CheckIn Assessment of sorts - for anyone like me who thought the hard part was picking a mic, uploading the cover art, or getting your feed grid right.
You don’t have to overhaul everything.
You just need to be honest about what’s not working - and move differently from there.
That’s how alignment starts.
We think our lack of consistency means we’re lazy, uncommitted, or undisciplined.
But more often, it’s our system - not our ability - that’s out of sync.
We try to force ourselves into someone else’s rhythm… and then wonder why it drains us.
You can change that.
You can build a way of working that doesn’t require you to abandon your design just to get something done.
And it starts by noticing what needs to shift.
Build a method that honors that knowledge.
👉🏾 Download the Self CheckIn Assessment
to get clear on what’s off, what’s aligned, and what needs to shift before you try again.